NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up

Have a laugh while you still can.

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker . The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker ? A tie

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures Jay Leno

9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21. - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

What to eat where in Mumbai must eat delicacies

1. Shahi Paneer at Cream Center
2. Vada pao outside Kirti College
3. Dal Makhani at Preetam da dhaba
4. Biryani at bombay blue
5. Bun maska at Sasania bakery
6. Mava cake at Mervans
7. Dal makhani at Moti Mahal
8. Misal Pav at Dutta, old pune highway
9. Bhareli Vangi at Gypsy Snacks
10. Jaggery icecream at Bojohari Manna (Lokhandwala, Andheri w)
11. Veg lunch at Govinda Restaurant ISKON
12. Maharashtrian snacks at Prakash Dadar
13. Vodka Pani Puri at Pratap da dhaba
14. Chilli icecream at Bachelors
15. Misal pav near mamledar office thane
16. Kaapi and upma at Madras Cafe
17. Idlis at idli house
18. Dal-phulka, ganthiya sabji, masala chaas in beer bottle and bheeh at Bhagat Tarachand
19. Dal Pakwan at Jhama Chembur
20. Khicdi at Swati Snacks Tardeo
21. Pav Bhaji at Sardar Pav Bhaji Tardeo
22. Pancham puri wala near CST
23. Sizzlers at Kobe's
24. Rustumjee's biscuit icecream at churchgate
25. Badshahi Falooda.at Badshah Crowford Market
26. Bakery items at Oven fresh,  Shivaji Park
27. Churma papad at Bhagat Tara Chand
28. Masala Papad and other chakna at Rajyog Bandra East
29. Chat at Elco Market Hill Rd
30. Dal Pakwaan at Vig, Chembur Camp
31. Chat at bikaji malad link rd
32. Rice plate at Matunga lunch home
33. Batata vada & Samosa at Krishna Dadar
34. Sizzlers at Cafe Royal Colaba
35. Malpoa at Swati snacks Tardeo
36. Sitaphal & tender coconut ice cream at Naturals
37. Bun Maska & Mava Samosa at Mervan Grant Road
38. Paani puri at Santacruz old prime focus lane.
39. Besebelle bhat at Gopal lunch home malad station west.
40. Vadapav near CTO. Fountain
41. Olive and herbs bread and brun maska at Yazdani
42. Chilled icy spicy bhel at M G Road.Mulund (West)
43. Neer dosa with garlic chutney at Ramashray Matunga
44. Samosa at Gurukripa
45. Chana powa in morning at Hanuman Sion
46. Panaki at Swati snacks
47. Jowar pita at Sohum opposite Babulnath
48. Gajanan wadapav at thane
49. Baked cheese wadapav at Sincity worli
50. Dal sandwich at mulji jetha market
51. Farali pattice at pralhad pattice center at princess street
52. Onion bread at Theobrama at colaba
53. Jain kathi roll  and dahi ke kofte at Fortune Deli thane
54. Chocolate cake at Goriawala's near Cumbala hill hospital
55. Veg falafal near august kranti maidan
56. Panipuri at tarabaug near Charni Road
57. Masala Papad at kalbadevi
58. Patalbhaji pav and Ola Vatana Pattice at Vinay Health Home Thakurdwar
59. Kalingar Kalakhatta sharbat opposite CST
60. Bheendi Bhajiya at Ramlal near Mulund Station West
61. Fruit cake at Sabina Wadala
62. Multigrain bread sandwich at Moshe's Palladium
63. Tansen and kismet halwa at Mohanlal S.Mithaiwala
64. Piyush at Adarsh Dadar
65. Kanji Wada at Kalbadevi near cotton exchange
66. Idli chatni at sukhsagar chowpatty
67. Grill sandwich at Bhulabhai Desai Road
68. Whole wheat baked chips at American Express Bakery
69. Pure milk peda of Tribhuvan Dairy Ghatkopar