TWO MINUTES MANAGEMENT

Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.
Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lessons - (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends your two-minute management course.

Lessons on Corporate Management

Truly Awesome👌👍 During a Robbery in Hong Kong, the Bank Robber shouted to everyone in the bank:
"Don't move. The Money belongs to the Government. Your Life belongs to You."

Everyone in the Bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the Conventional Way of Thinking.

When a Lady lay on the Table provocatively, the Robber shouted at her:
"Please be Civilised! This is a Robbery and not a Rape!"

This is called "Being Professional” . Focus only on What You are Trained to do!

When the Bank Robbers returned Home, the Younger Robber (MBA Trained) told the older Robber (who has only completed Year 6 in Primary School):
"Big Brother, let's count how much we got."

The older Robber rebutted and said:
"You are very Stupid. There is so much Money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV News will tell us how much we Robbed from the Bank!"

This is called "Experience”
Nowadays, experience is more Important than Paper Qualifications!

After the Robbers had left, the Bank Manager told the Bank supervisor to call the Police quickly. But the Supervisor said to him:
"Wait! Let us take out $10 Million from the Bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 Million that we have previously Embezzled from the Bank”.

This is called "Swim with the Tide”
Converting an unfavorable situation to Your Advantage!

The Supervisor says: "It will be Good if there is a Robbery every month." 

This is called "Changing Priority”
Personal Happiness is more Important than Your Job”.

The next day, the TV News reported that $100 Million was taken from the Bank. The Robbers Counted and Counted and Counted, but they could only Count $20 Million.

The Robbers were very Angry and Complained:
"We risked our Lives and only took $20 Million. The Bank Manager took $80 Million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be Educated than to be a Thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as Gold!"

👆Must read ..Superb one. Lessons on Corporate Management in a nutshell !!

Funny IT company culture quote

INFOSYSism 
You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking. 

WIPROism 
GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk. 

SATYAMism 
You have a cow. You have its milk. But don't know what to do with it! 

DELLism 
Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow's milk. 

IBMism 
You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen. 

MICROSOFTism 
You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows. 

SUNism 
You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft. 

ORACLEism 
You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows. 

SAPism 
You don't have a cow You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants. 

APPLEism 
You have a cow. You sell iMilk. 

SONYism 
You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world's thinnest milk. 

CITIBANKism 
Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2...stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you. 

HPism 
You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only. 

GEism 
You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work. 

RELIANCEism 
You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk. 

TATAism 
You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.